1GRADEPOINTAVG
24.00
33.{digit}0
43.{digitnozero}{digit}
53.{digit}{digit}
63.{digit}{digit}
72.{digit}{digit}
8
9HIGHSCHOOLAWARD
10Grow Old and Die
11Grow Fat and Bald
12Succeed
13Succeed... Then Fail
14Fail
15Get Drunk a Lot
16Become an Alcoholic
17Get Kicked by a Mule and Lose All Memory
18Go to Jail
19Become a Liar, Thief, and/or Lawyer
20Flunk Out of College
21Become a {#26-29} Year Old Grandparent
22NOT Become US President
23Live in this Podunk Town Until Death
24Live in a Trailer Park
25Overdose on Caffeine
26Become a {#300-400} Pound Blimp
27Continue to be a Pathetic Loser
28Be Audited by the IRS
29
30SILLYCONTEST
31Cow Milking
32Cow Tipping
33Mud Wrestling
34Limbo
35Tic-Tac-Toe
36Checkers
37Easy Quiz Game
38Macarena Dancing
39Disco Dancing
40Hog Calling
41Bobbing-for-Apples
42Loudest Belch
43Hot Dog Eating
44Stupid Human Tricks
45Worst Actor
46Most Annoying Voice
47Bad Elvis Impersonation
48
49RESUMEAVAILABILITY
50right now
51today
52just as soon as I get fired from my current job
53just as soon as I punch my current boss in the face and get fired
54right after I take a two-week vacation and then serve notice to my current employer
55real soon now
56only because I'm required to search for a job to keep my welfare check coming in
57
58RESUMEAVAILABILITY2
59a major national corporation
60an unsuccessful corporation desperate for qualified employees
61a major corporation recently featured on "60 Minutes"
62a Silicon Valley startup with a lucrative compensation package including lots of stock options
63a Big Evil Corporation
64a small-town employer
65an unprofitable dotcom startup
66any company that will actually look at this resume
67a bureaucratic state or federal agency
68a business with a solid health insurance plan that covers sex-change operations
69
70RESUMEREFERENCE
71{Careertech}, {Company}
72{Careertech}, {Company}
73{Careertech}, {Company}
74{Careertech}, {Company}
75drinking buddy from high school
76best friend from high school
77classmate from college
78ex-spouse
79parole officer
80former co-worker
81neighbor
82my lawyer
83{ordinal} cousin
84acquaintance
85college professor in {Collegemajortech} Dept.
86high school teacher
87