fortune-mod-bofh/bofh-fortune-mod2.0/bofh

BOFH excuse #1:

clock speed
%
BOFH excuse #2:

solar flares
%
BOFH excuse #3:

electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris
%
BOFH excuse #4:

static from nylon underwear
%
BOFH excuse #5:

static from plastic slide rules
%
BOFH excuse #6:

global warming
%
BOFH excuse #7:

poor power conditioning
%
BOFH excuse #8:

static buildup
%
BOFH excuse #9:

doppler effect
%
BOFH excuse #10:

hardware stress fractures
%
BOFH excuse #11:

magnetic interference from money/credit cards
%
BOFH excuse #12:

dry joints on cable plug
%
BOFH excuse #13:

we're waiting for [the phone company] to fix that line
%
BOFH excuse #14:

sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support
%
BOFH excuse #15:

temporary routing anomaly
%
BOFH excuse #16:

somebody was calculating pi on the server
%
BOFH excuse #17:

fat electrons in the lines
%
BOFH excuse #18:

excess surge protection
%
BOFH excuse #19:

floating point processor overflow
%
BOFH excuse #20:

divide-by-zero error
%
BOFH excuse #21:

POSIX compliance problem
%
BOFH excuse #22:

monitor resolution too high
%
BOFH excuse #23:

improperly oriented keyboard
%
BOFH excuse #24:

network packets travelling uphill (use a carrier pigeon)
%
BOFH excuse #25:

Decreasing electron flux
%
BOFH excuse #26:

first Saturday after first full moon in Winter
%
BOFH excuse #27:

radiosity depletion
%
BOFH excuse #28:

CPU radiator broken
%
BOFH excuse #29:

It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem
%
BOFH excuse #30:

positron router malfunction
%
BOFH excuse #31:

cellular telephone interference
%
BOFH excuse #32:

techtonic stress
%
BOFH excuse #33:

piezo-electric interference
%
BOFH excuse #34:

(l)user error
%
BOFH excuse #35:

working as designed
%
BOFH excuse #36:

dynamic software linking table corrupted
%
BOFH excuse #37:

heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly
%
BOFH excuse #38:

secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS
%
BOFH excuse #39:

terrorist activities
%
BOFH excuse #40:

not enough memory, go get system upgrade
%
BOFH excuse #41:

interrupt configuration error
%
BOFH excuse #42:

spaghetti cable cause packet failure
%
BOFH excuse #43:

boss forgot system password
%
BOFH excuse #44:

bank holiday - system operating credits not recharged
%
BOFH excuse #45:

virus attack, luser responsible
%
BOFH excuse #46:

waste water tank overflowed onto computer
%
BOFH excuse #47:

Complete Transient Lockout
%
BOFH excuse #48:

bad ether in the cables
%
BOFH excuse #49:

Bogon emissions
%
BOFH excuse #50:

Change in Earth's rotational speed
%
BOFH excuse #51:

Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter
%
BOFH excuse #52:

Smell from unhygienic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads
%
BOFH excuse #53:

Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming
%
BOFH excuse #54:

Evil dogs hypnotised the night shift
%
BOFH excuse #55:

Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture
%
BOFH excuse #56:

Electricians made popcorn in the power supply
%
BOFH excuse #57:

Groundskeepers stole the root password
%
BOFH excuse #58:

high pressure system failure
%
BOFH excuse #59:

failed trials, system needs redesigning
%
BOFH excuse #60:

system has been recalled
%
BOFH excuse #61:

not approved by the FCC
%
BOFH excuse #62:

need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem
%
BOFH excuse #63:

not properly grounded, please bury computer
%
BOFH excuse #64:

CPU needs recalibration
%
BOFH excuse #65:

system needs to be rebooted
%
BOFH excuse #66:

bit bucket overflow
%
BOFH excuse #67:

descramble code needed from software company
%
BOFH excuse #68:

only available on a need to know basis
%
BOFH excuse #69:

knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked
%
BOFH excuse #70:

nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable
%
BOFH excuse #71:

The file system is full of it
%
BOFH excuse #72:

Satan did it
%
BOFH excuse #73:

Daemons did it
%
BOFH excuse #74:

You're out of memory
%
BOFH excuse #75:

There isn't any problem
%
BOFH excuse #76:

Unoptimized hard drive
%
BOFH excuse #77:

Typo in the code
%
BOFH excuse #78:

Yes, yes, its called a design limitation
%
BOFH excuse #79:

Look, buddy:  Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.
%
BOFH excuse #80:

That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?
%
BOFH excuse #81:

Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working
%
BOFH excuse #82:

Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files
%
BOFH excuse #83:

Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER
%
BOFH excuse #84:

Someone is standing on the ethernet cable, causing a kink in the cable
%
BOFH excuse #85:

Windows 95 undocumented "feature"
%
BOFH excuse #86:

Runt packets
%
BOFH excuse #87:

Password is too complex to decrypt
%
BOFH excuse #88:

Boss' kid fucked up the machine
%
BOFH excuse #89:

Electromagnetic energy loss
%
BOFH excuse #90:

Budget cuts
%
BOFH excuse #91:

Mouse chewed through power cable
%
BOFH excuse #92:

Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware(tm)!)
%
BOFH excuse #93:

Feature not yet implemented
%
BOFH excuse #94:

Internet outage
%
BOFH excuse #95:

Pentium FDIV bug
%
BOFH excuse #96:

Vendor no longer supports the product
%
BOFH excuse #97:

Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies
%
BOFH excuse #98:

The vendor put the bug there
%
BOFH excuse #99:

SIMM crosstalk
%
BOFH excuse #100:

IRQ dropout
%
BOFH excuse #101:

Collapsed Backbone
%
BOFH excuse #102:

Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment
%
BOFH excuse #103:

operators on strike due to broken coffee machine
%
BOFH excuse #104:

backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD
%
BOFH excuse #105:

UPS interrupted the server's power
%
BOFH excuse #106:

The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out
%
BOFH excuse #107:

The keyboard isn't plugged in
%
BOFH excuse #108:

The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room
%
BOFH excuse #109:

The electricity substation in the car park blew up
%
BOFH excuse #110:

The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out
%
BOFH excuse #111:

The salesman drove over the CPU board
%
BOFH excuse #112:

The monitor is plugged into the serial port
%
BOFH excuse #113:

Root nameservers are out of sync
%
BOFH excuse #114:

electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing
%
BOFH excuse #115:

your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes
%
BOFH excuse #116:

the real ttys became pseudo ttys and vice-versa
%
BOFH excuse #117:

the printer thinks it's a router
%
BOFH excuse #118:

the router thinks it's a printer
%
BOFH excuse #119:

evil hackers from Serbia
%
BOFH excuse #120:

we just switched to FDDI
%
BOFH excuse #121:

halon system went off and killed the operators
%
BOFH excuse #122:

because Bill Gates is a Jehovah's witness and so nothing can work on St. Swithin's day
%
BOFH excuse #123:

user to computer ratio too high
%
BOFH excuse #124:

user to computer ratio too low
%
BOFH excuse #125:

we just switched to Sprint
%
BOFH excuse #126:

it has Intel Inside
%
BOFH excuse #127:

Sticky bits on disk
%
BOFH excuse #128:

Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor
%
BOFH excuse #129:

The ring needs another token
%
BOFH excuse #130:

new management
%
BOFH excuse #131:

telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused
%
BOFH excuse #132:

SCSI Chain overterminated
%
BOFH excuse #133:

It's not plugged in
%
BOFH excuse #134:

because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch
%
BOFH excuse #135:

You put the disk in upside down
%
BOFH excuse #136:

Daemons loose in system
%
BOFH excuse #137:

User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI
%
BOFH excuse #138:

BNC (brain not connected)
%
BOFH excuse #139:

UBNC (user brain not connected)
%
BOFH excuse #140:

LBNC (luser brain not connected)
%
BOFH excuse #141:

disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper
%
BOFH excuse #142:

new guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus
%
BOFH excuse #143:

had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads
%
BOFH excuse #144:

Too few computrons available
%
BOFH excuse #145:

Flat tire on station wagon with tapes. ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway", Andrew S. Tannenbaum)
%
BOFH excuse #146:

Communications satellite used by the military for star wars
%
BOFH excuse #147:

Party-bug in the Aloha protocol
%
BOFH excuse #148:

Insert coin for new game
%
BOFH excuse #149:

Dew on the telephone lines
%
BOFH excuse #150:

Arcserve crashed the server again
%
BOFH excuse #151:

Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug
%
BOFH excuse #152:

My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip
%
BOFH excuse #153:

Big to little endian conversion error
%
BOFH excuse #154:

You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages)
%
BOFH excuse #155:

Dumb terminal
%
BOFH excuse #156:

Zombie processes haunting the computer
%
BOFH excuse #157:

Incorrect time synchronization
%
BOFH excuse #158:

Defunct processes
%
BOFH excuse #159:

Stubborn processes
%
BOFH excuse #160:

non-redundant fan failure
%
BOFH excuse #161:

monitor VLF leakage
%
BOFH excuse #162:

bugs in the RAID
%
BOFH excuse #163:

no "any" key on keyboard
%
BOFH excuse #164:

root rot
%
BOFH excuse #165:

Backbone Scoliosis
%
BOFH excuse #166:

/pub/lunch
%
BOFH excuse #167:

excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances
%
BOFH excuse #168:

le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?
%
BOFH excuse #169:

broadcast packets on wrong frequency
%
BOFH excuse #170:

popper unable to process jumbo kernel
%
BOFH excuse #171:

NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full
%
BOFH excuse #172:

pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal
%
BOFH excuse #173:

Recursive traversal of loopback mount points
%
BOFH excuse #174:

Backbone adjustment
%
BOFH excuse #175:

OS swapped to disk
%
BOFH excuse #176:

vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives
%
BOFH excuse #177:

sticktion
%
BOFH excuse #178:

short leg on process table
%
BOFH excuse #179:

multicasts on broken packets
%
BOFH excuse #180:

ether leak
%
BOFH excuse #181:

Atilla the Hub
%
BOFH excuse #182:

endothermal recalibration
%
BOFH excuse #183:

filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch
%
BOFH excuse #184:

loop found in loop in redundant loopback
%
BOFH excuse #185:

system consumed all the paper for paging
%
BOFH excuse #186:

permission denied
%
BOFH excuse #187:

Reformatting Page. Wait...
%
BOFH excuse #188:

..disk or the processor is on fire
%
BOFH excuse #189:

SCSI's too wide
%
BOFH excuse #190:

Proprietary Information
%
BOFH excuse #191:

Just type 'mv * /dev/null'
%
BOFH excuse #192:

runaway cat on system
%
BOFH excuse #193:

Did you pay the new Support Fee?
%
BOFH excuse #194:

We only support a 1200 bps connection
%
BOFH excuse #195:

We only support a 28000 bps connection
%
BOFH excuse #196:

Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors
%
BOFH excuse #197:

I'm sorry a pentium wont do, you need an SGI to connect with us
%
BOFH excuse #198:

Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor
%
BOFH excuse #199:

the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity
%
BOFH excuse #200:

The monitor needs another box of pixels
%
BOFH excuse #201:

RPC_PMAP_FAILURE
%
BOFH excuse #202:

kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.
%
BOFH excuse #203:

Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine, contact your local dealer
%
BOFH excuse #204:

Just pick up the phone and give modem connect sounds. "Well you said we should get more lines so we don't have voice lines."
%
BOFH excuse #205:

Quantum dynamics are affecting the transistors
%
BOFH excuse #206:

Police are examining all internet packets in the search for a narco-net-trafficker
%
BOFH excuse #207:

We are currently trying a new concept of using a live mouse. Unfortunately, one has yet to survive being hooked up to the computer.....please bear with us.
%
BOFH excuse #208:

Your mail is being routed through Germany... and they're censoring us
%
BOFH excuse #209:

Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week (a la Microsoft)
%
BOFH excuse #210:

We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.
%
BOFH excuse #211:

Lightning strikes
%
BOFH excuse #212:

Of course it doesn't work, we've performed a software upgrade
%
BOFH excuse #213:

Change your language to Finnish
%
BOFH excuse #214:

Fluorescent lights are generating negative ions. If turning them off doesn't work, take them out and put tin foil on the ends.
%
BOFH excuse #215:

High nuclear activity in your area
%
BOFH excuse #216:

What office are you in? Oh, that one. Did you know that your building was built over the university's first nuclear research site? And wow, aren't you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!
%
BOFH excuse #217:

The MGs ran out of gas
%
BOFH excuse #218:

The UPS doesn't have a battery backup
%
BOFH excuse #219:

Recursivity, call back if it happens again
%
BOFH excuse #220:

Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch
%
BOFH excuse #221:

The mainframe needs to rest, it's getting old, you know
%
BOFH excuse #222:

I'm not sure, try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book
%
BOFH excuse #223:

The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?)
%
BOFH excuse #224:

Jan  9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1
%
BOFH excuse #225:

It's those computer people in X {city of world}, they keep stuffing things up
%
BOFH excuse #226:

A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN
%
BOFH excuse #227:

Fatal error right in front of screen
%
BOFH excuse #228:

That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade
%
BOFH excuse #229:

wrong polarity of neutron flow
%
BOFH excuse #230:

Lusers learning curve appears to be fractal
%
BOFH excuse #231:

We had to turn off that service to comply with the CDA Bill
%
BOFH excuse #232:

Ionization from the air-conditioning
%
BOFH excuse #233:

TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low
%
BOFH excuse #234:

Someone is broadcasting pygmy packets and the router doesn't know how to deal with them
%
BOFH excuse #235:

The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet
%
BOFH excuse #236:

Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces
%
BOFH excuse #237:

Plate voltage too low on demodulator tube
%
BOFH excuse #238:

You did wha... oh _dear_....
%
BOFH excuse #239:

CPU needs bearings repacked
%
BOFH excuse #240:

Too many little pins on CPU confusing it, bend back and forth until 10-20% are neatly removed. Do _not_ leave metal bits visible!
%
BOFH excuse #241:

_Rosin_ core solder? But...
%
BOFH excuse #242:

Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...
%
BOFH excuse #243:

The computer fleetly, mouse and all
%
BOFH excuse #244:

Your cat tried to eat the mouse
%
BOFH excuse #245:

The Borg tried to assimilate your system, resistance is futile
%
BOFH excuse #246:

It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterday) (last week) (last month)
%
BOFH excuse #247:

Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time (namely none allowed....)
%
BOFH excuse #248:

Too much radiation coming from the soil
%
BOFH excuse #249:

Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week.
%
BOFH excuse #250:

Program load too heavy for processor to lift
%
BOFH excuse #251:

Processes running slowly due to weak power supply
%
BOFH excuse #252:

Our ISP is having {switching,routing,SMDS,frame relay} problems
%
BOFH excuse #253:

We've run out of licenses
%
BOFH excuse #254:

Interference from lunar radiation
%
BOFH excuse #255:

Standing room only on the bus
%
BOFH excuse #256:

You need to install an RTFM interface
%
BOFH excuse #257:

That would be because the software doesn't work
%
BOFH excuse #258:

That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered
%
BOFH excuse #259:

Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too
%
BOFH excuse #260:

We're upgrading /dev/null
%
BOFH excuse #261:

The Usenet news is out of date
%
BOFH excuse #262:

Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel
%
BOFH excuse #263:

It's stuck in the Web
%
BOFH excuse #264:

Your modem doesn't speak English
%
BOFH excuse #265:

The mouse escaped
%
BOFH excuse #266:

All of the packets are empty
%
BOFH excuse #267:

The UPS is on strike
%
BOFH excuse #268:

Neutrino overload on the nameserver
%
BOFH excuse #269:

Melting hard drives
%
BOFH excuse #270:

Someone has messed up the kernel pointers
%
BOFH excuse #271:

The kernel license has expired
%
BOFH excuse #272:

Netscape has crashed
%
BOFH excuse #273:

The cord jumped over and hit the power switch
%
BOFH excuse #274:

It was OK before you touched it
%
BOFH excuse #275:

Bit rot
%
BOFH excuse #276:

U.S. Postal Service
%
BOFH excuse #277:

Your Flux Capacitor has gone bad
%
BOFH excuse #278:

The Dilithium Crystals need to be rotated
%
BOFH excuse #279:

The static electricity routing is acting up...
%
BOFH excuse #280:

Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone, it's not our problem
%
BOFH excuse #281:

The co-locator cannot verify the frame-relay gateway to the ISDN server
%
BOFH excuse #282:

High altitude condensation from U.S.A.F prototype aircraft has contaminated the primary subnet mask. Turn off your computer for 9 days to avoid damaging it.
%
BOFH excuse #283:

Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening
%
BOFH excuse #284:

Electrons on a bender
%
BOFH excuse #285:

Telecommunications is upgrading
%
BOFH excuse #286:

Telecommunications is downgrading
%
BOFH excuse #287:

Telecommunications is downshifting
%
BOFH excuse #288:

Hard drive sleeping, let it wake up on it's own...
%
BOFH excuse #289:

Interference between the keyboard and the chair
%
BOFH excuse #290:

The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized
%
BOFH excuse #291:

Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account
%
BOFH excuse #292:

We ran out of dial tone and we're and waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle
%
BOFH excuse #293:

You must've hit the wrong any key
%
BOFH excuse #294:

PCMCIA slave driver
%
BOFH excuse #295:

The Token fell out of the ring, call us when you find it
%
BOFH excuse #296:

The hardware bus needs a new token
%
BOFH excuse #297:

Too many interrupts
%
BOFH excuse #298:

Not enough interrupts
%
BOFH excuse #299:

The data on your hard drive is out of balance
%
BOFH excuse #300:

Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters
%
BOFH excuse #301:

appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem
%
BOFH excuse #302:

microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system
%
BOFH excuse #303:

fractal radiation jamming the backbone
%
BOFH excuse #304:

routing problems on the neural net
%
BOFH excuse #305:

IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptible-Power-Supply
%
BOFH excuse #306:

CPU-angle has to be adjusted because of vibrations coming from the nearby road
%
BOFH excuse #307:

emissions from GSM-phones
%
BOFH excuse #308:

CD-ROM server needs recalibration
%
BOFH excuse #309:

firewall needs cooling
%
BOFH excuse #310:

asynchronous inode failure
%
BOFH excuse #311:

transient bus protocol violation
%
BOFH excuse #312:

incompatible bit-registration operators
%
BOFH excuse #313:

your process is not ISO 9000 compliant
%
BOFH excuse #314:

You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus
%
BOFH excuse #315:

The recent proliferation of Nuclear Testing
%
BOFH excuse #316:

Elves on strike (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic?)
%
BOFH excuse #317:

Internet exceeded Luser level, please wait until a luser logs off before attempting to log back on
%
BOFH excuse #318:

Your EMAIL is now being delivered by the USPS
%
BOFH excuse #319:

Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet
%
BOFH excuse #320:

You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus
%
BOFH excuse #321:

Scheduled global CPU outage
%
BOFH excuse #322:

Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water (Do not turn off your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Chip while he isn't working, do you?)
%
BOFH excuse #323:

Your processor has processed too many instructions. Turn it off immediately, do not type any commands!!
%
BOFH excuse #324:

Your packets were eaten by the terminator
%
BOFH excuse #325:

Your processor does not develop enough heat
%
BOFH excuse #326:

We need a licensed electrician to replace the light bulbs in the computer room
%
BOFH excuse #327:

The POP server is out of Coke
%
BOFH excuse #328:

Fiber optics caused gas main leak
%
BOFH excuse #329:

Server depressed, needs Prozac
%
BOFH excuse #330:

quantum decoherence
%
BOFH excuse #331:

those damn raccoons!
%
BOFH excuse #332:

suboptimal routing experience
%
BOFH excuse #333:

A plumber is needed, the network drain is clogged
%
BOFH excuse #334:

50% of the manual is in .pdf readme files
%
BOFH excuse #335:

the AA battery in the wallclock sends magnetic interference
%
BOFH excuse #336:

the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer solstice
%
BOFH excuse #337:

the butane lighter causes the pincushioning
%
BOFH excuse #338:

old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes
%
BOFH excuse #339:

manager in the cable duct
%
BOFH excuse #340:

Well fix that in the next (upgrade, update, patch release, service pack)
%
BOFH excuse #341:

HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here
%
BOFH excuse #342:

HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Intel cpu - insufficient processing power
%
BOFH excuse #343:

The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute?
%
BOFH excuse #344:

Network failure - call NBC
%
BOFH excuse #345:

Having to manually track the satellite
%
BOFH excuse #346:

Your/our computer(s) has/have suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped up
%
BOFH excuse #347:

The rubber band broke
%
BOFH excuse #348:

We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose
%
BOFH excuse #349:

Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server
%
BOFH excuse #350:

paradigm shift...without a clutch
%
BOFH excuse #351:

PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)
%
BOFH excuse #352:

The cables are not the same length
%
BOFH excuse #353:

Second-system effect
%
BOFH excuse #354:

Chewing gum on /dev/sd3c
%
BOFH excuse #355:

Boredom in the Kernel.
%
BOFH excuse #356:

the daemons! the daemons! the terrible daemons!
%
BOFH excuse #357:

I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.
%
BOFH excuse #358:

struck by the Good Times virus
%
BOFH excuse #359:

YOU HAVE AN I/O ERROR -> Incompetent Operator error
%
BOFH excuse #360:

Your parity check is overdrawn and you're out of cache.
%
BOFH excuse #361:

Communist revolutionaries taking over the server room and demanding all the computers in the building or they shoot the sysadmin. Poor misguided fools.
%
BOFH excuse #362:

Plasma conduit breach
%
BOFH excuse #363:

Out of cards on drive D:
%
BOFH excuse #364:

Sand fleas eating the Internet cables
%
BOFH excuse #365:

parallel processors running perpendicular today
%
BOFH excuse #366:

ATM cell has no roaming feature turned on, notebooks can't connect
%
BOFH excuse #367:

Webmasters kidnapped by evil cult
%
BOFH excuse #368:

Failure to adjust for daylight savings time
%
BOFH excuse #369:

Virus transmitted from computer to sysadmins
%
BOFH excuse #370:

Virus due to computers having unsafe sex
%
BOFH excuse #371:

Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters
%
BOFH excuse #372:

Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit
%
BOFH excuse #373:

Suspicious pointer corrupted virtual machine
%
BOFH excuse #374:

It's the InterNIC's fault
%
BOFH excuse #375:

Root name servers corrupted
%
BOFH excuse #376:

Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers
%
BOFH excuse #377:

Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine
%
BOFH excuse #378:

Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite
%
BOFH excuse #379:

We've picked COBOL as the language of choice
%
BOFH excuse #380:

Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over
%
BOFH excuse #381:

Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape
%
BOFH excuse #382:

Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems
%
BOFH excuse #383:

Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet
%
BOFH excuse #384:

it's an ID-10-T error
%
BOFH excuse #385:

Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers
%
BOFH excuse #386:

The Internet is being scanned for viruses
%
BOFH excuse #387:

Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight
%
BOFH excuse #388:

Bad user karma
%
BOFH excuse #389:

/dev/clue was linked to /dev/null
%
BOFH excuse #390:

Increased sunspot activity
%
BOFH excuse #391:

We already sent around a notice about that
%
BOFH excuse #392:

It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.
%
BOFH excuse #393:

Interference from the Van Allen Belt
%
BOFH excuse #394:

Jupiter is aligned with Mars
%
BOFH excuse #395:

Redundant ACLs
%
BOFH excuse #396:

Mail server hit by UniSpammer
%
BOFH excuse #397:

T1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server
%
BOFH excuse #398:

Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet
%
BOFH excuse #399:

We are a 100% Microsoft Shop
%
BOFH excuse #400:

We are Microsoft.  What you are experiencing is not a problem; it is an undocumented feature.
%
BOFH excuse #401:

Sales staff sold a product we don't offer
%
BOFH excuse #402:

Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees
%
BOFH excuse #403:

Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers
%
BOFH excuse #404:

Sysadmin accidentally destroyed pager with a large hammer
%
BOFH excuse #405:

Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much
%
BOFH excuse #406:

Bad cafeteria food landed all the sysadmins in the hospital
%
BOFH excuse #407:

Route flapping at the NAP
%
BOFH excuse #408:

Computers under water due to SYN flooding
%
BOFH excuse #409:

The vulcan-death-grip ping has been applied
%
BOFH excuse #410:

Electrical conduits in machine room are melting
%
BOFH excuse #411:

Traffic jam on the Information Superhighway
%
BOFH excuse #412:

Radial Telemetry Infiltration
%
BOFH excuse #413:

Cow-tippers tipped a cow onto the server
%
BOFH excuse #414:

tachyon emissions overloading the system
%
BOFH excuse #415:

Maintenance window broken
%
BOFH excuse #416:

We're out of slots on the server
%
BOFH excuse #417:

Computer room being moved. Our systems are down for the weekend.
%
BOFH excuse #418:

Sysadmins busy fighting SPAM
%
BOFH excuse #419:

Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem
%
BOFH excuse #420:

Feature was not beta tested
%
BOFH excuse #421:

Domain controller not responding
%
BOFH excuse #422:

Someone else stole your IP address, call the Internet detectives!
%
BOFH excuse #423:

It's not RFC-822 compliant
%
BOFH excuse #424:

operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)
%
BOFH excuse #425:

stop bit received
%
BOFH excuse #426:

internet is needed to catch the etherbunny
%
BOFH excuse #427:

network down, IP packets delivered via UPS
%
BOFH excuse #428:

Firmware update in the coffee machine
%
BOFH excuse #429:

Temporal anomaly
%
BOFH excuse #430:

Mouse has out-of-cheese error
%
BOFH excuse #431:

Borg implants are failing
%
BOFH excuse #432:

Borg nanites have infested the server
%
BOFH excuse #433:

error: one bad user found in front of screen
%
BOFH excuse #434:

Please state the nature of the technical emergency
%
BOFH excuse #435:

Internet shut down due to maintenance
%
BOFH excuse #436:

Daemon escaped from pentagram
%
BOFH excuse #437:

crop circles in the corn shell
%
BOFH excuse #438:

sticky bit has come loose
%
BOFH excuse #439:

Hot Java has gone cold
%
BOFH excuse #440:

Cache miss - please take better aim next time
%
BOFH excuse #441:

Hash table has woodworm
%
BOFH excuse #442:

Trojan horse ran out of hay
%
BOFH excuse #443:

Zombie processes detected, machine is haunted
%
BOFH excuse #444:

overflow error in /dev/null
%
BOFH excuse #445:

Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it
%
BOFH excuse #446:

Mailer-daemon is busy burning your message in hell
%
BOFH excuse #447:

According to Microsoft, it's by design
%
BOFH excuse #448:

vi needs to be upgraded to vii
%
BOFH excuse #449:

greenpeace freed the mallocs
%
BOFH excuse #450:

Terrorists crashed an airplane into the server room.
%
BOFH excuse #451:

astropneumatic oscillations in the water-cooling
%
BOFH excuse #452:

Somebody ran the operating system through a spelling checker
%