1DEFAULT 2{Ratherism} 3 4RATHERISM 5{RatherismSaying}{\n} -- {RatherismName}, {RatherismShow} 6 7RATHERISMTEMPLATE 8{RatherismSaying}<BR> -- {RatherismName}, {RatherismShow} 9 10RATHERISMNAME 11Dan Blather 12Dan Rather Biased 13 14RATHERISMSHOW 15SeeBS Evening News, November {#7-9}, 2000 16Election Night Coverage, November {#7-8}, 2000 17 18RATHERISMSAYING 19{^RatherismRace} as {ratherismclose} as a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride back from the beach. 20{^RatherismRace} tick-tight. 21{^RatherismRace} spandex tight. 22{^RatherismRace} still hotter than a {[Houston|San Antonio|Laredo|Dallas} parking lot. 23{^RatherismRace} crackling like a hickory fire here. 24{^RatherismRace} as hot and squallid as a New York elevator in August. 25{^RatherismRace} so wild, wacky and wooly, nobody knows how it's going to come out. 26The heat from {RatherismRace} hot enough to peel house paint. 27The fingernails of the advisors for the {[Bush|Gore} campaign must be starting to sweat. 28Any way you slice it, any way you dress it, the latest {[poll results|exit-poll results|numbers|vote counts} from {USState} are good news for {[George Bush|Al Gore}. 29It looks like {USState} is going to go for {RatherismCandidate}... but the way this night has been, wild and wooly as it's been, who can say? 30{RatherismLead} has evaporated faster than an ice cream cone in the microwave 31{RatherismLead} is now shakier than cafeteria Jell-O. 32You can bet {RatherismCandidate} will be madder than a rained-on rooster {RatherismIf} 33{CongressCritter} spent ${#40-100} million on his re-election campaign in {USState}... he spent money like he had shorted Microsoft, and won this race. 34{RatherismCandidate} is sweeping through the {[South|Midwest|Great Plains} like a tornado through a trailer park. 35Bush has swept through Dixie like a big wheel through a cotton field. 36We've lived by the crystal ball and learned to eat so much broken glass tonight that we're in critical condition. 37You can sooner expect a tall talking broccoli stick to offer to mow your lawn for free than to see {RatherismCandidate} win {USState}. 38I'm so excited about this {[election|race} I have a 3,000-calorie attack about every half hour just thinking about it. 39The polls have been veering and wobbling so much that neither NASA nor the Russian Cosmodrome can track them in some cases. 40They didn't get those {[1992|1996} absentee votes counted in {USState} until the cows literally had gone to sleep and then came back the next day. 41The results from {USState} have to be giving the {[Bush|Gore} {[people|folks} the knee-wobbles. 42There's no way {RatherismCandidate} can win this thing without {USState}. It'd be like trying to scratch his ear with his elbow. 43That will have the {[Gore people in Nashville|Bush people in Austin} jumping out of their seats like they were stabbed with hat pins. 44We've been told that the situation in {[Florida|New Mexico|Oregon|Tennessee} has wobbled into Wierdsville. 45Bush's eyes probably got as cold as your average pawnbroker's when Gore took back his concession. 46{FirstNameMale} {LastName}, who has been around these things since Trigger was a colt, says he hasn't seen anythin like it. 47We may see Michael Jackson's baby before we see some of the results in these races. 48In terms of the Electoral College, if {[California|Texas|Florida|New York} isn't the whole enchilada, it certainly is a really big taco. 49Now you may say to yourself, '{RatherismCandidate} is beginning to hear the first faint, faint whisper of the ax,' but it's too early to say that he's out of it. 50Things are getting very, very close to the time when {RatherismCandidate} can celebrate, but close only counts with hand grenades and horse shoes. 51This much tension you can't cut with a saw, it requires a blow torch: {#200-230} for Bush, {#160-230} for Gore. 52Don't bet the trailer money on a {[Gore|Bush} victory just yet. 53Nader is doing well in {[Oregon|Alaska|Montana|Wyoming|Massachusetts|California|Florida}... this has to be giving the Gore {[folks|people} the knee-wobbles. 54Bush galloped out to an early lead with {#40-100} electoral votes... but now he's stopped to breathe his pony. 55You can bet that they're smiling like a cat in a creamery down in {[Nashville|Austin} because they almost positively had to have {USState}. 56Here's another look at the {[Florida vote count|electoral vote count|popular vote count}. Can't get a cigarette paper between them. 57Well, we've said it many times, if a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun. But {RatherismCandidate} doesn't have side pockets, so maybe he won't get {USState} and maybe he will. 58Both sides, of course, have champagne on ice... But that champagne may get so cold and frozen up, you'd have to get a pickax to open it up, as {ratherismclose} as things are. 59I think you're more likely see a hippopotamus come running through this room than you are to see {RatherismCandidate} win {USState}. 60Better pull the cot up to the television set and don't get too comfy, don't count sheep, we may still be counting electoral votes for {[hours|days|weeks|months} before we can make the call for president." 61Call the doctor, call the police, call a psychic. In {USState}, it's tightened up. 62I have been to goat ropings and space shots and I've covered presidential elections since the 1950s, and I have never seen anything like this. 63 64RATHERISMRACE 65this race is 66this thing is 67this election is 68the Electoral College vote is 69the Presidential race is 70the Florida {[vote is|results are} 71the {[Iowa|Wisconsin|Oregon} vote is 72the {USState} Senate race is 73the {[New York|Missouri} Senate race is 74 75RATHERISMLEAD 76{RatherismCandidate}'s lead in {USState} 77{RatherismCandidate}'s lead 78{RatherismCandidate}'s advantage in {USState} 79 80RATHERISMIF 81if he loses his home state 82if he loses {USState} 83if he falls behind in {USState} 84if he loses this election 85if he wins the popular vote by loses the electoral vote 86if he fails to pick up {USState} 87 88RATHERISMCANDIDATE 89{RatherismCandidateBush} 90{RatherismCandidateGore} 91 92RATHERISMCANDIDATEGORE 93Gore 94Al Gore 95Vice President Gore 96 97RATHERISMCANDIDATEBUSH 98Bush 99George Bush 100George W. Bush 101Governor Bush 102 103RATHERISMCLOSE 104close 105tight 106 107